My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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