What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
