Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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