Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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