After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
