what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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