My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
