you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
