Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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