I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm too high and old for this...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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