i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
