those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
