I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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