God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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