Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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