when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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