Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
