soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
