I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
