Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
