I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
