i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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