when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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