btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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