I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
