she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
