hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
