Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
