Only a mothe r could love this liver
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
