Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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