Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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