The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
