I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
