I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
