Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
