So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
