Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
