Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
