The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
