I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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