Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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