Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
