matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
