____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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