I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
