So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I want her autograph on my taint
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
