so that wasnt chicken after all
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
