Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
