While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
