I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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