It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
