I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
