i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
