Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
are you so shy because you have an std?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
