There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
whose ass print is on the piano?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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